May 10 is Dr. Miller Day!
Did you know May 10th is Dr. Miller Day? Neither did we, until our patient, Jamie, shared that she created this special day to remember her fertility journey, the support she received from her “village” and of course the doctor who helped her become a mom!
Jamie writes:
Our fertility journey started as most do, with a lot of hope and a lot of disappointing negative pregnancy tests. During my initial testing, I found out I had 2 fibroids and one was very large. Although I kept asking about the large one, I was told by 3 different doctors that they weren’t an issue and was encouraged to start IUI or IVF.
Although reluctant, we started planning on how and when to move forward. Through that process, we started applying for grants. While looking at the grant application, I started reading into how it would be scored. In the fine print, I noticed certain types of fibroids would disqualify us from the grant, and that is because they can make IVF less successful. This made me, once again, question my fibroid. I told my husband that I wanted to find an expert opinion to rule out the fibroid causing my fertility issues before beginning any treatment. I started to research fibroid experts, and one name kept coming up again and again in my search, Dr. Charles Miller.
In April 2022, during my consultation with Dr. Miller, I expected to hear, once again, that the fibroid was “fine.” Dr. Miller recommended surgery, and on May 10th, 2022 he successfully removed both fibroids. We spent the next few months healing, trying to enjoy life, appreciating what we have, and planning our next steps to bring home a baby of our own.
In August 2022, I returned to Dr. Miller’s office, and he told me that things healed well and we could start trying again. During that same month, I was on pins and needles hoping to hear that we got the IVF cycle grant. However, less than three weeks after my follow-up visit with Dr. Miller, our jaws dropped when we got our positive pregnancy test! It was clear that the fibroid was what had been causing my infertility, and if we hadn’t done our research and sought out Dr. Miller’s expertise, we would have spent thousands on IVF without any success.
On April 17, 2023 our miracle baby girl, Fontana, was delivered via c-section. We cannot thank Dr. Miller enough for taking his time to listen to our concerns, truly evaluating the fibroid and its impact, and for his flawless surgery. Without Dr. Miller, we wouldn’t have had a first birthday to celebrate last month.
This Friday we will celebrate our second Dr. Miller Day. This year we took the time to reflect and appreciate those who were a part of our village by writing cards to family, friends, and those strangers who supported us during our darkest days of infertility. Each person is represented by a house, and when we put them all together, it was empowering to see just how many people helped us along the way. No two infertility journeys are the same, but for those still in the trenches, trust your gut and advocate for yourself.
Patient Story- SJ
SJ has been a patient of ours since 2012. After years of trying at another clinic, she underwent surgery with Dr. Miller, and then made the difficult decision to use donor eggs. In 2013, SJ and her husband welcomed twins! However, their family was not complete, and they welcomed another son last year! SJ understands the complexities of using donor eggs but hopes her journey brings awareness and inspiration to others in similar situations.
If you would like to learn more about our donor egg program, please contact Lindsey Bartscher (lbartscher at drcharlesmiller.com). Special thanks to SJ and her husband for sharing their inspiring story.
Our journey to build our family was a long one, but we are happy to say we are on the "other side" of infertility thanks to Dr. Miller and his wonderful staff!
We started trying to conceive in May 2009 when I was 29 years old. Both of our parents had conceived easily, and we were both healthy, so we didn't expect to have any problems. Unfortunately, after a year of negative cycles, we started seeing a fertility doctor in June 2010. Despite all our tests looking normal, we did four IUIs that all failed. When we finally got to the point of doing IVF, we just expected it would work. Our first IVF cycle, I got pregnant and for the first time ever saw two pink lines! Even though my hcg numbers were low, I thought just the fact that I'd finally seen a positive pregnancy test meant things might work out. We lost the pregnancy around 5.5 weeks and quickly moved into a frozen embryo transfer (FET). That cycle failed, and we did two more IVF retrieval cycles and fresh transfers that both failed. After our third failed IVF cycle, my original fertility doctor suggested that we may need to use donor eggs. I was not ready to move forward with donor eggs then, so we tried one more IVF cycle with our original doctor. When that cycle failed, our doctor suggested not only donor eggs but donor sperm. We asked our doctor if he would be willing to perform further testing and a laparoscopy to test for endometriosis, since my sister had recently been diagnosed with it. When he refused, we decided it was time to switch clinics.
I had a friend who was able to get pregnant after a procedure Dr. Miller performed, so based on her recommendation and a lot of research, we decided Dr. Miller's office was the right place for us to continue our journey. Dr. Miller was completely on the same page as us and understood that before we did donor eggs or donor sperm or another IVF, we wanted to be 100% sure we had tested for any potential issues like endometriosis or immune issues that could affect implantation of an embryo. Our motto was "no regrets," so we wanted to make sure we had no regrets about our decisions on this fertility journey. Dr. Miller performed a laparoscopy after finding mild endometriosis, and he discovered I had homozygous MTHFR, both issues he thought could affect IVF success. We tried one more IUI cycle and one IVF cycle with Dr. Miller. After our first IVF cycle with Dr. Miller, he told me I had "soft" eggs and recommended donor eggs. He said he did not think we needed donor sperm, but he showed us the statistics on donor eggs and explained how such a cycle would work. Dr. Miller's Donor Egg IVF Coordinator also gave us a lot of information on donor egg agencies and counselors.
After taking a few months to regroup and make sure we were ready, we decided to move forward with donor eggs in August 2012. Dr. Miller also added Lovenox and Medrol to my cycle due to my MTHFR and repeated IVF failures. We found an amazing donor egg agency (Graceful Conceptions) and moved forward with a fresh donor egg cycle in December 2012. The difference between our donor egg cycle and my egg cycles was night and day! We had so many more embryos to work with that we did with my cycles, and they were all top quality! We transferred two embryos on December 18th and were able to freeze five more high graded embryos. And right before Christmas I got two beautiful pink lines on a pregnancy test! It was the BEST Christmas gift we could ever imagine! We found out two weeks later that we were expecting not only one but TWO babies!
Our twins were born healthy in 2013, and we kept our frozen embryos for several years. Eventually, in 2022, we decided to try and expand our family. We knew it might take a few tries, but we got lucky and had success on our second frozen embryo transfer in May 2022.
We know some people are not comfortable with donor eggs, but Dr. Miller made us feel so comfortable about it, and he reminded me that with donor eggs I would still be carrying my children. We know our three beautiful children would never have been possible without donor eggs or Dr. Miller. We are forever grateful we decided to switch clinics back in 2012, and we are thankful Dr. Miller was so straightforward about donor eggs being our best chance of having a baby and building our family. We explained to our kids that donor eggs are just part of their story and something that makes them special, and they will always know how much they were wanted and loved! We hope our story gives other couples hope, especially when faced with failed IVF cycles. "Success" looks different for everyone, but we are blessed and grateful that our donor, Dr. Miller and science have made our family possible!
-SJ
Patient Story- Charlinda
As we wrap up Endometriosis Awareness Month, it’s only fitting that we share a patient story with you. Charlinda had endured years of pain and surgeries because of her endometriosis and wondered if she would ever be able to have a child. In 2017, she was referred to Dr. Miller. He performed surgery and three short months later, Charlinda conceived her son, Preston. Today is Preston’s 6th birthday! Charlinda shares her journey so that others won’t let a diagnosis like endometriosis discourage them from motherhood. Read Charlinda’s inspiring story below.
I remember how what first looked like a super sad day actually became a blessing in disguise. Sitting nervously in my OBGYN office, hearing her tell me she could no longer see me, felt like a huge break up. She was the only doctor I trusted since moving to Illinois. Due to the numerous endometriosis surgeries she performed on me and the fact that I wanted to become a mom one day, she felt there was another doctor who could better help me. With tears in my eyes, I reluctantly took the number of Dr. Charles Miller.
At the time, I was in my late 30s and not feeling particularly optimistic about meeting a new doctor and his staff for the first time. However, my OBGYN said Dr. Miller was the best in the area and I trusted her judgment. I walked into the waiting room and saw anxious couples and beautiful baby pics posted on the walls. At that moment I told myself my child will be on that wall one day. I finally met Dr. Miller who just returned from vacation, fully tanned and full of life. He listened intently as I explained my health journey and how I knew IVF financially wasn’t an option. It’s been some years but I do remember him saying this was not a problem and that he would get me as close as he could as though I would be an IVF patient. Per his recommendations, I exercised more and ate a healthier diet in preparation of my surgery to remove the endometriosis. I can honestly say after all of my other surgeries this one was the easiest recovery I ever experienced. I followed his plan to a tee and I conceived three months later. Now my son just turned 6 years old.
I know everyone’s journey is different but I share my story so others won’t allow a diagnosis that “may” increase infertility discourage you. Once realizing I was determined to defy the odds, I kept reminding myself what my parents constantly told me, fear and faith cannot live in the same house. I was so proud to announce to Dr. Miller I had a successful pregnancy. Once he knew I conceived, it was onto the next patient. This just goes to show his dedication to his craft. This is so important because I didn’t need him to hold my hand but to get me healthy enough for a fighting chance to conceive naturally. I was glad to get him quickly back to make other women moms. Words can’t express the gratitude our family has towards Dr. Miller and his entire staff!! Thank you.
Ovarian Pexy- A Simple Procedure to Help Improve Egg Retrieval Outcomes
We posted a video of Dr. Miller discussing a recent surgical procedure he performed called an Ovarian Pexy that helps improve egg retrieval outcomes. We figured this was a procedure many were unfamiliar with, so we asked Dr. Miller for more information. Get ready to understand how this simple procedure can make a big difference on your road to becoming a parent.
Q: What is an Ovarian Pexy?
Dr. Miller: A laparoscopic procedure to move the ovaries closer into the pelvis so that the follicles can be more easily identifiable.
Q: How do you know if you are a good candidate for Ovarian Pexy?
Dr. Miller: The procedure would be performed on someone whose ovaries are out of position. A woman can be born with her ovaries misplaced, making IVF difficult. Additionally, another potential cause is adhesive disease – whether from infection, endometriosis or prior surgery, the ovaries are simply pulled away from the pelvis.
However, keep in mind that you don’t know whether or not there is room for improvement until you look at the anatomy. If I cannot see the ovary, I will not take the patient to stimulation. Generally, we have indications that the ovary is not in the right place and see this while the patient is undergoing transvaginal ultrasound or when I perform a saline infused sonogram. At that point, I recommend surgery. Pexy of the ovaries is ultimately a game time decision at the time of surgery, when the anatomy can be seen.
Q: Why does this procedure improve your chances for a more successful egg retrieval?
Dr. Miller: It gets the ovaries to a place where they can be easily visualized via ultrasound and thus, makes egg retrieval easier.
Q: What is the recovery time and how soon can you do an egg retrieval after the procedure?
Dr. Miller: The recovery time is 5-7 days at home and the patient can start preparing for an egg retrieval with her next cycle.
Q: How common is an Ovarian Pexy?
Dr. Miller: Since most reproductive endocrinologists do not perform surgery, this procedure is not routinely performed. Instead, patients settle for a lesser amount of eggs. Oftentimes, Dr. Miller sees patients who have gone through cycles with other physicians and have not had eggs retrieved on one side because of the ovary position. After the ovarian pexy procedure, patients can go from not being able to retrieve eggs to having a comparable number of eggs retrieved from either ovary.
Interested in scheduling a consultation with Dr. Miller? Call 630-428-2229 to set up an appointment or request a consultation online.
IVF Superstitions Uncovered: From McDonald’s French Fries to Pineapples and More
You’ve been there, late night scrolling through Instagram or TikTok and filing away any and all tricks that hold the key to a successful embryo transfer. We decided to take a closer look at some of these IVF superstitions and better understand their origins.
McDonald’s French Fries
One popular superstition among IVF patients is consuming McDonald’s French Fries on the way home from the embryo transfer. The origin of this myth is unclear, but it is believed that the high salt content in the fries may help the body to absorb any excess fluids, potentially fending off ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS). However, it should be noted that there is no scientific evidence to support this belief.
Pineapple
Eating one ring of pineapple, including the core, daily for five days starting on the day of the embryo transfer is another common IVF superstition. Because pineapple contains bromelain, a mix of enzymes that may break down scar tissue and decrease inflammation, patients were eating pineapple on an empty stomach the day of their embryo transfer. But again, there is no scientific research that supports this will improve implantation.
Pomegranate Juice
Drinking pomegranate juice before and after the embryo transfer is another IVF superstition. Pomegranate juice is known to contain antioxidants and vitamins, and it is thought to thicken the uterine lining, which could aid with implantation. Additionally, the antioxidants may improve egg quality prior to the transfer. Despite these potential benefits, there’s no scientific evidence to back up this practice.
Water
Drinking more than 64 ounces of water in the days after the embryo transfer is another common recommendation. It is believed that staying well-hydrated can support blood flow to the uterus, which in turn can aid in implantation.
Warm Feet/Cozy Socks
Many people believe that keeping your feet warm during the transfer is beneficial. The reasoning is that if your body is sending blood flow to your extremities to keep your feet warm, it may redirect blood flow away from the uterus and embryo. However, like all the other superstitions, the scientific support for this is lacking.
Dr. Charles Miller Weighs in on IVF Superstitions
Dr. Miller, a renowned fertility expert, acknowledges the existence of these superstitions. He notes, “While all of these IVF myths have some sort of scientific support, at the end of the day, none of them have been studied and certainly, none have been shown to be effective.”
He adds humorously, “Nonetheless, I’m waiting for the day that one of our patients walks into the office eating the McDonald‘s Infertility Happy Meal consisting of fries, pineapple core and pomegranate juice. I guess it’s healthier than chicken nuggets and a Coke!”
In conclusion, while these IVF superstitions may seem to have a scientific basis, there is no evidence to suggest that any of them actually influence the outcomes of IVF treatment and they should not replace the medical advice from your fertility care team. Remember, success in IVF is primarily determined by medical factors and a tailored treatment plan.
Patient Story- Lauren
“Now, I look at my daughter and have to pinch myself. I can’t believe she’s here!”
We know the holidays can be a challenging time for many of our patients. However, today we want to share Lauren’s story with you. This time last year, Lauren wondered if she would ever become a mother. Today, she has a beautiful baby girl. Unhappy with her previous clinic, Lauren came to Dr. Miller. He listened to her concerns and together they came up with a treatment plan. Another example of how important it is to advocate for yourself when it comes to your health.
Lauren writes:
My story is one of finding hope with Dr. Miller and with the wonderful staff at the Advanced IVF Institute. My husband and I had been through a lot by the time I made a teary phone call to the receptionist (or angel?) at Dr. Miller’s office. We had been years-long patients elsewhere, and had experienced four failed IUIs and two rounds of IVF yielding only one embryo and subsequent miscarriage. We were tired, sad, and wondering if becoming parents was achievable. Our previous doctor told us we would be “lucky” to end up with one child, and suggested egg donation. After researching different fertility specialists online and comparing SART statistics, I knew Dr. Miller would be the best choice for us.
When we met with Dr. Miller, he had a thorough knowledge of our history, a plan, and compassion for what we had been through. I have PCOS and thyroid disease and felt that my previous clinic did not take this into account when creating my treatment plan.
Dr. Miller took my concerns seriously and addressed them. I had concerns about insulin resistance, he investigated it and treated it. I had concerns that my previous clinic did not take my thyroid disease seriously enough and allow for appropriate monitoring, he agreed and made sure my levels were optimal before proceeding. My husband was concerned about his inconsistent fertility testing, Dr. Miller confirmed that we were dealing with an element of male factor infertility.
After our first meeting, I distinctly remember him saying, “I might not get it the first time around, but I’m confident we will get you on the right treatment plan.” Well, he did get it the first time around. Imagine our surprise and delight when on our first round with Dr. Miller we ended up with five beautiful embryos, and a pregnancy on our first transfer. He and his staff celebrated with me each week when things were going well in my early pregnancy, and by the time I “graduated” these people felt like family.
Today, we have a beautiful baby. When recovering in the hospital, my husband asked me if I thought Dr. Miller knew how much he changed our lives. When we had no hope left, he gave us everything. I think about this time last year, and not in my wildest dreams did I think I would be where I am today. I spent six years of Christmases thinking “Next year will be my year.” Now, I look at my daughter and have to pinch myself. I can’t believe she’s here!
My advice to those going through this is to live while you’re waiting. It’s tempting to throw everything you have into the process when you’re going through it. One month off from treatment to take a vacation or celebrate something special is good for your mind and body- don’t forget to nurture yourself.
Patient Story- Sheri
“We have been very blessed with great kids who seem to appreciate life, maybe because somehow, subconsciously they know that it took that extra little miracle to be here.”
Up until now, our patient stories have featured women who have recently become mothers. However, today’s submission is from Sheri, who first became a patient 20 years ago! Technology has advanced over the years, but the overarching message from Dr. Miller remains the same: “trust the process.”
My story begins many years ago (my two miracle babies are now 19 and 16)!
After years of trying to conceive, being on countless fertility drugs, endless testing and 5 years of monthly disappointing moments we decided it was time to take the next infertility step and meet Dr. Miller. My husband and I immediately felt confident he was the answer to our unexplained infertility. We left with a sense of relief. He looked us right in the eye and said “trust the process.” It was Dr. Miller’s confidence and stellar reputation that made us say “When can we start!”
The process, although long and hard at times was, by far, made less grueling and easier to face because of Dr. Miller and his staff. Every single person we encountered was kind, sympathetic, positive, caring and made us feel like they were our “infertility family”. There was one person in particular who will always stand out and be a part of my heart and that was Lynne who was at the front desk. Her smile when I walked in put me at ease instantly.
Infertility is praying endlessly. It’s sad, depressing, hard, lonely and you shed many tears. There are many roadblocks and setbacks but this journey with Dr. Miller was worth every single minute.
We were very fortunate that our first round of IVF gave us our son and our second round gave us our daughter.
Both of those IVF cycles began as multiple pregnancies but by some miracle our son and our daughter held on when we experienced vanishing embryos. It was terrifying to think we were losing the babies. I remember the moment when we thought we were miscarrying. Dr. Miller was in Europe and he called personally to ease our fears and tell me what to do to give the other baby the best chance. Grief hit hard knowing our multiples were now single pregnancies. I still think of what would have been had that not happened but take a moment to remember them and even though we never met them we love them always for what little time they were ours.
A year after our daughter was born we kept trying for more children without success. Time was not on my side because of my age. Dr. Miller saw me struggling mentally and finally gave me the strength to walk away and enjoy the 2 miracles we were blessed with.
Our son, Nick, is now 19 and studying engineering at Purdue and our daughter, Emily, is 16 and thriving in high school. Every moment of their lives has been better than the next. We have been very blessed with great kids who seem to appreciate life, maybe because somehow, subconsciously they know that it took that extra little miracle to be here.
To all the patients present and future…I pray for you, I wish you peace always and I hope your dreams come true. You deserve to be parents!
Patient Story- Breda
“Not everyone will understand IVF or be able to relate, so it’s important to surround yourself with support. More people than you realize struggle with infertility.”
Today’s patient story is from Breda. After not finding success or feeling comfortable at another fertility clinic, Breda came to us. We are all glad she did! Dr. Miller was able to diagnose her with endometriosis and after surgery and IVF, she was able to get pregnant. Breda is due in January!
Breda writes:
I met my husband later in life and we got married when I was 38. I was and still am wary of the stigma of older mothers, even though being older is accepted. I’ve always wanted a family and we started trying right away, but I had three miscarriages in a year and a half. I was at a different fertility clinic for a year, but didn’t feel comfortable there. My husband’s colleague recommended we see Dr. Miller and what a difference!
We first met online during COVID and Dr. Miller told us, “You’ll be a mother, kiddo.” He was so kind, didn’t rush us, and he explained everything. He learned I was an English teacher and told me a story that put me at ease. He never stopped his storytelling, and I welcomed his personable demeanor after some bad experiences at the previous clinic. Dr. Miller found issues that the previous doctor did not, including endometriosis.
After a biopsy, Dr. Miller found abnormalities in my uterus and I was diagnosed with Level 1 endometriosis. During surgery, he removed five spots on my uterus. I also had the Endometrial Receptivity Assay biopsy to determine the receptivity of the uterus to implantation. Soon after, we had an egg retrieval and two transfers.
Throughout this process, Dr. Miller and his staff explained everything so thoroughly and never seemed irritated or disinterested when I had questions. I also got to know Dr. Miller and the nurses because they talked to me during appointments. I always felt people cared and were invested in our success. I felt so secure going into our procedures and never felt anxiety or stress visiting the office.
Even though our first transfer failed, a second embryo implanted and I will never forget that experience. Dr. Miller, Courtney, and Melody were present for the transfer, and made me feel so comfortable. Dr. Miller even told us a funny story about meeting an actor from Will & Grace. While we waited after the transfer, my husband and I held hands and prayed, and we also talked about how wonderful it would be if it worked. Many times, we dreamed of finishing our nursery and being able to move forward with our plan. The transfer worked, and our baby is due January 8, 3.5 years after we began IVF and what seems like a million doctor appointments.
I was very nervous the first 12 weeks of my pregnancy and braced myself for bad news, but at every ultrasound Courtney reassured me with her positivity. We are so grateful for everyone at the Naperville office.
It took until I was about 20 weeks pregnant for me to relax and realize we’re finally going to be parents! I’ve cried many happy tears for a change! Not everyone will understand IVF or be able to relate, so it’s important to surround yourself with support. More people than you realize struggle with infertility. Meditation and journaling are helpful (as well as long walks with our dog, my first baby). Finally, never stop hoping and praying, even if you’re an older mother!
Patient Story- Julia
“This is why you keep fighting; so that you can have peace. Whatever outcome will bring you peace, that is what you fight for.”
Julia is a patient that our office has known for quite some time. She recently welcomed her third baby boy and we have enjoyed getting updates and pictures throughout the years. A seasoned IVF veteran, Julia has been through it all and yet she is incredibly candid about her experience. This openness has led her to volunteer to answer calls for the Resolve support line twice a month. While there aren’t many calls, she is so grateful when she gets to speak to someone and give them some hope. We are so grateful that Julia has shared her story.
She writes:
The other day, I took my two older boys to the fire station open house. It was absolutely packed, it seemed like everyone from our town was there. I looked around at all of the children, moms, dads, siblings, grandparents, etc. and had a moment of self-doubt.
“I don’t belong here,” I thought to myself. “This event is for families.”
As if on cue, my middle son reached up to hold my hand, and my older son ran ahead and called out for me. “MOM! This way, follow me!”
I was instantly brought back to reality, my feelings of insecurity disappearing and belonging restored. I am a mom (of three boys!), and I DO belong at family events, school drop-off, parent-tot classes, parks and baby pools, and in the club that is Parenthood.
The lingering grief and pain of infertility can rear its ugly head at the strangest moments, like it did that Saturday morning. I remember the feeling of fear so well; the fear that I would never become a mom. I know all too well how painful the treatments and the unknowns are as I fought long and hard for my boys. However, I also know the peace that comes from a dream achieved. I want to instill hope in anyone who has that fear and pain, who is in the throes of fertility treatment, who is struggling with self-doubt and the unknown.
I have three beautiful and healthy boys. They are almost perfectly spaced apart; 2.5 years. From the outside looking in, we are a very typical family. And in most senses, that is correct – except for how our family was created.
We waited four years for our first son. I worked for one year with my ob-gyn and Clomid. I then had six stimulated rounds with my first fertility specialist and one miscarriage. When I met Dr. Miller, I had two more failed IVF rounds before we chose to use a donor egg. I had a polyp removal surgery. I did three trial cycles to determine the optimal window for an embryo transfer. We lost our first donor due to poor response to stimulation while I was on hormones alongside her. With our second donor, my first transfer was a blighted ovum that ended in two separate D&C surgeries. After extensive blood work, I was diagnosed with MTHFR, a genetic blood-clotting disorder that can affect implantation.
On November 9, 2016, my 13th cycle, I became pregnant with my first son.
Charlie was cycle 13. James was cycle 15. John was cycle 16.
I share the details of my journey not to overwhelm you, but to give you strength. Maybe your journey will be shorter than mine. Maybe it will be longer. It often felt daunting, hopeless at times, and never-ending. I remember the receptionist at Dr. Miller’s office pulled out my file. It looked like several copies of the Yellow Pages stacked on top of each other. During one of my meetings with Dr. Miller, he put his hand on top of that file and said, “Julia. We haven’t been through this much, for you to not get pregnant. I WILL get you pregnant.” I trusted him and pushed forward despite the fear and pain.
This is why you keep fighting; so that you can have peace. Whatever outcome will bring you peace, that is what you fight for. And you will know when that time comes. People ask me how I did it. They want to know how I managed the appointments and driving, the shots and tests, the physical side effects and emotional trauma, the disappointment and the grief.
I tell them the truth; you just do it. You have to keep going so that you can have your peace.
I promise that the grief and fear will fade with time. It might make an appearance here and there after you have achieved your dream, but that is just a little bit of PTSD from the journey. It will fade. You will hold your little miracle, you will walk with your child at the fire station open house, or into that parent-tot gym class, or to the first day of preschool, or story hour at the library and you will belong. You will feel peace.
Believe in Dr. Miller. Believe in his nurses, the ultrasound techs, the phlebotomist, his entire staff. Throw in some prayers, push forward, and wait for your time to come.
Patient Story- Rachael
“Our plan was always to have a baby, but our path certainly wasn’t a straight line.”
Our next patient story is from Rachael. Rachael’s journey to motherhood has not been an easy one. After undergoing several unsuccessful rounds of IVF, Dr. Miller advised Rachel to consider using an egg donor. In her story, Rachel describes the process she and her husband went through to choose an egg donor and what advice they would give to others in her situation. Rachael’s story has a happy ending- she is now pregnant and due with a baby boy in February!
Rachael writes:
To say that our journey was a difficult one is an understatement.
I was 34 years old when we wanted to start our family. After six months of trying on our own, we met with Dr. Miller. Testing and medication followed, and we eventually discovered – after finding out I had a diminished ovarian reserve, as well as confirming that I had a unicornuate uterus – that IVF was a route we needed to take. We diligently went to work ordering medication, setting up appointments, and saying so many prayers. Unfortunately, our first round failed. We just kept thinking, “This is it!” only to find ourselves back at square one.
When I met with Dr. Miller for our follow-up consult, he had another plan to try again. Upon leaving our meeting, he told me, “Stick with me, Rach! Rome wasn’t built in a day.” Knowing this was true, and knowing we had faith in our doctor, we trudged ahead and kept going. What followed were an additional five rounds (some stopped before retrieval), further testing and added medication, laparoscopic surgery, and the need to put on more weight in hopes that it would help my egg quality.
After several additional rounds of IVF and additional embryos from said rounds that didn’t take, our insurance plan was running out of options for us to keep moving forward. Dr. Miller advised us not to do the egg retrieval with my own eggs at that point and suggested turning to an egg donor. We were absolutely heartbroken. We knew that this was a real possibility, but the news was hard to take in. We were at the end of stimulation injections, and my body just wasn’t cooperating (which had happened during another of our previous cycles). Knowing my track record, Dr. Miller was concerned that this round would not work and then we’d really be out of options with my insurance. We converted the round to an IUI, but it didn’t take. A month later we transferred the one frozen embryo we had (insurance would still cover that), but we were left with a negative result.
We were angry, frustrated, and beyond depressed. We knew it was no one’s fault (I had to keep reminding myself that I did nothing wrong), but we couldn’t understand why it was happening. We did absolutely everything we possibly could to have a positive outcome, but were left with nothing but grief. You know everyone means well when they offer their condolences, but there are times when IVF is an incredibly isolating experience.
A few months later, we met with Dr. Miller again to discuss using an egg donor. He answered all our questions and felt optimistic about this new plan. When we were ready, we contacted an agency to get information. Later that fall, we chose our egg donor and started to feel more optimistic ourselves. Our donor went through the testing process and started some medication. We had psychological evaluations to make sure that everyone was in the right state of mind to go through this process, and we met with a lawyer to go through the contingencies of everything.
Our donor finally had her egg retrieval in February; we received 48 eggs (which was incredible!), and out of the 48, we had 17 embryos to freeze. We couldn’t quite sync up cycles, so we worked toward an April transfer, but then that got canceled due to me catching COVID-19. We were finally able to complete our transfer in May, and at the end of the month we received our first positive pregnancy test! I’m due in early February with a boy and am currently 18 weeks along (for a frame of reference, I am now 39 years old).
Moving forward, we have 16 embryos at our disposal. Besides some days where I didn’t feel great in the first trimester, my energy has bounced back in the second trimester and I feel pretty good! We’re really looking forward to the future and still cannot believe that we’re on the other side after years of wondering “what if?”
It was a long, difficult four-and-a-half years to get to this point. There were so many tears, early morning appointments, and hours upon hours of frustrating phone calls with insurance and pharmaceutical companies. There were so many pregnancy announcements by friends and family. There were so many times when we felt raw, numb, and alone. But on the other hand, we had hope. We had a strong support system, and we had a caring doctor who genuinely wanted the best for us. Dr. Miller’s staff was so kind and offered me hugs on more than one occasion when we received bad news. We learned to give into the unknown (something difficult for us teachers to do) and trust that we were doing everything we could.
If I can offer advice, I’d stress the importance of learning to pivot. Our plan was always to have a baby, but our path certainly wasn’t a straight line. We had to adjust the details of our dream, but that doesn’t mean that we’ll be any less of parents than we would have if things had worked with my genetics. Our dream could still be a reality, but adjustments were needed. Keep the end goal in mind: if it’s to have a child, understand that what that means might look different than what you anticipated when you started the journey.
If you find yourself in need of an egg donor (or sperm donor, if that’s the issue), I’d encourage you to take your time and go through the process when you’re ready. Don’t try to look for yourself in the pool of applicants; you won’t be there, and that’s okay. When we first got information from the egg donor agency, they encouraged us to not pay as much attention to pictures, but to focus on the information: we examined their health history and that of their relatives; we listened to their reasons for being a donor; we screened applications for the possibility of twins and triplets (given my unicornuate uterus, multiple births at one time was not considered a viable option); we also poured over their previous donor cycles to see what kind of success they had.
In the end, we chose someone who looked happy. She genuinely wanted to help other people conceive and assisted others in that goal already. The agency (and Dr. Miller’s office) couldn’t say enough good things about her, which was really reassuring. Besides matching my ethnicity, she does not look like me, but I’m keeping in mind that our boy very well may look more like my husband than the donor. If he doesn’t, that’s okay, too. This was something I had to learn to get comfortable with before we officially went through the donation process.
There are times when I look back at the last few years and the pain comes crashing back, and I’d be lying if I said it was easy to move on from my genetics. However, at the end of the day, the goal is to have a baby, and I learned that it is still possible if my genetics are no longer an option. This could be a path for you, too.
We would also encourage you to let people in and have a support network. My husband and I did not always want to talk about our struggles, but knowing we could speak with family and friends was helpful (and there are other support groups if you aren’t getting the support you need from those around you, too). Even though most of the people you know might not “get” the struggle you’re going through, it’s important to remember how many people are in your corner. You’re going to feel alone. You’re not.
Keep the faith. We’re rooting for you!