Amanda and Paul’s journey to parenthood was anything but simple. In this blog post, Amanda shares her six-year journey through IVF, pregnancy loss, abdominal cerclage and finally, the joy of welcoming her son Dimitri.
Our Dream of Starting a Family
My husband, Paul, and I always knew we wanted kids. We always talked about having two but were open to the idea of three. I never suspected anything was wrong because my cycles were pretty regular, and I had no signs or symptoms of any issues.
We got married in the summer of 2018 and were anxious to start trying. After several months of negative tests, I talked to my OBGYN, and he put me on Clomid. I took Clomid for about six months, and after that didn’t work, we started to explore other options and began working with a fertility clinic. We started the IVF process in November 2019 and finally had our first retrieval in March 2020. When the lockdown mandate was ordered, we were too far into the cycle to cancel, so we were able to proceed with the retrieval.
By the fall of 2020, we were ready for our first transfer. It worked—or so we thought. The embryo stopped growing and resulted in a loss. We decided to move forward with another transfer toward the end of 2020. That one also worked, and I was released from my IVF clinic at six weeks. A few weeks later, I went in for an ultrasound and was told there was no longer a heartbeat. Because we were still in the midst of COVID, I was alone. The ultrasound tech was the only person in the room. She was so kind—she hugged me and cried with me. It was something I’ll never forget. I had my first D&C right before Christmas.
Finding Dr. Miller and a New Plan
After talking to a friend who was already with Dr. Miller, she recommended that I switch doctors. The one I was with didn’t want to change anything in my protocol, and it was time for a change. We started the process of switching over to Dr. Miller and moved our remaining embryos. I had a phone consultation with him in early 2021, and we began the necessary genetic testing for both my husband and me. Everything came back completely normal, so we were still at a loss as to why we couldn’t get pregnant.
We had our first transfer with Dr. Miller at the end of July 2021. We got pregnant! Everything looked good—until it didn’t. This pregnancy also ended in a loss and required another surgery. We had another consultation with Dr. Miller, and he suggested a trial cycle. We started it and had to push the transfer date back one day. I also had some inflammation due to endometriosis. Around that time, Dr. Miller spoke to Dr. Jubiz, who suggested I have an endometrial scratch before the next transfer.
An endometrial scratch is created when a small catheter is inserted into the uterus, then moved back and forth and rotated in order to cause some disruption to the uterine lining. It may be helpful in women with recurrent implantation failure by increasing endometrial receptivity. Once I got the all-clear from Dr. Miller, we prepped for the next transfer. I had the endometrial scratch in the cycle prior, and the transfer was done on April 29, 2022.
This transfer would prove to be both the most successful and the most gut-wrenching. After all the surgeries, retrievals, and losses, I wasn’t hopeful. My husband remained positive and supportive—my rock. I tried to stay open-minded, but after almost two years of heartbreak, I was losing hope. To my surprise, this transfer worked! My beta numbers were the highest they’d ever been, and we made it to another OB ultrasound. Our baby boy was growing and developing perfectly! It was surreal to finally start believing I was truly pregnant. We relaxed a little and began dreaming of the day we’d bring our baby home.
Everything was going perfectly. We finally got to announce our pregnancy on July 20, 2022—our fourth wedding anniversary. He was healthy and growing beautifully. Then my husband and I both got COVID.
We scheduled our gender reveal for August 6, 2022. It was hot, and our cake melted—but it was a perfect day. Our family found out we were having a boy. We had known from genetic testing, but we still wanted to share the moment with them.
A few days later, I noticed more discharge than normal. Research suggested it was fine, so I didn’t worry. But on August 13th, I went to the bathroom, pushed, and heard a loud pop. It sounded like a gasket breaking. I checked but saw nothing unusual. Later, as I turned on the couch, I felt a gush of liquid. I ran to the kitchen, and it was pouring out of me. I called my husband—he was in disbelief. I called my OBGYN, who suggested I lie down and elevate my feet since I wasn’t bleeding. Moments after I hung up, I started gushing blood. I got into the bathtub, and my husband rushed home. We went to the ER.
After hours of waiting, we were told my water had broken. While the baby still had a heartbeat, he wouldn’t survive. I was 18 weeks pregnant. We were given the option to go to a hospital equipped for babies born at 18 weeks, but the outcome would be the same. We went home, and I prayed harder than I ever had that he would make it to 22 weeks. I played lullabies and told him I loved him.
The next day, I began cramping. We rushed to the hospital. Everything escalated quickly. Our son was born sleeping about 45 minutes after we arrived. It was the hardest moment of my life. The hospital staff gave us as much time as we needed with him before saying goodbye.
Discovering the Need for an Abdominal Cerclage
When we were ready, I called Dr. Miller to get back on the schedule. About a month later, we created a new plan. Dr. Miller was kind and compassionate. I asked him not to give up on us, and he promised he wouldn’t. We also met with a Maternal Fetal Medicine doctor and discussed a cerclage This is a small stitch to close the cervix. Initially, I thought a vaginal cerclage was best, but Dr. Miller strongly recommended an abdominal cerclage.
An abdominal cerclage is a surgical procedure where a strong stitch is placed around the cervix through the abdomen to help keep it closed during pregnancy. It’s most often recommended for women with cervical insufficiency, a condition where the cervix opens too early, which can cause pregnancy loss or preterm birth. By reinforcing the cervix, the cerclage gives the pregnancy a better chance to continue safely.
When an abdominal cerclage is placed prior to pregnancy, it avoids the risks associated with a vaginal cerclage, such as infection or an inability to place the cerclage due to cervical thinning. It has a success rate of about 98%. Paul and I knew this was the right choice. We had it placed in early 2023.
We did another endometrial scratch, this time two cycles before the next transfer. That transfer didn’t take. I started spiraling, truly believing I might never be pregnant again.
Hope After Heartache: A Successful Transfer
We still had four embryos left. We proceeded with another scratch the month before our next transfer in August 2023. I wasn’t hopeful. But we were pregnant again. Instead of joy, I felt dread. Our first beta was decent, not great, but it continued to rise. We made it to another OB ultrasound at the Naperville office. I couldn’t bring myself to get excited. My heart was guarded. I told myself that if we lost this one, at least I wouldn’t be attached.
But another week passed, and the baby was thriving—already a day ahead in growth. The heartbeat was strong. We graduated and saw my OBGYN that same week. We agreed I’d see him or the MFM every other week to ease my anxiety. At 18 weeks, the anxiety was intense, but thankfully, I had an appointment. Our son was growing, moving, and the cerclage was holding strong. We passed 18 weeks, then 20 weeks, then reached viability. I felt a wave of relief. Before I knew it, it was time for my baby shower. I was 37 weeks—the cerclage had done its job.
Because I have an abdominal cerclage, I could only deliver via C-section unless it was removed. To protect the stitch, my OBGYN scheduled a C-section at exactly 38 weeks: May 1st.
But our son had other plans.
Welcoming Our Rainbow Baby
On Sunday, April 28, 2024, after dinner, I started having contractions. After about 12 in an hour, I called my doctor. He said, “That’s it—we’re having a baby.”
Our beautiful baby boy, Demetrios Bartho, was born at 37 weeks and 5 days, weighing 9 lbs 1 oz and measuring 22 inches long, on April 29, 2024, at 4:38 a.m. What we had prayed for and hoped for over nearly six years was finally a reality. He was—and is—absolutely perfect.
We recently celebrated his first birthday and are now beginning a sibling cycle.
A Message to Others Facing Loss
Without Dr. Miller’s knowledge, persistence, and innovative care, we probably would not have our beautiful son today. If you’ve experienced loss due to an incompetent cervix, I highly recommend finding a qualified doctor capable of placing an abdominal cerclage. It was—and is—a life saver.
We will be forever grateful to Dr. Miller and his staff, my OBGYN Dr. Tom Kazmierczak, and the MFM doctors at Duly.
-Paul, Amanda, and Demetrios (Dimitri)